VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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