I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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