I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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