sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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