Porn is love you can see.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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