Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
