That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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