Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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