about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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