I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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