Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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