I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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