I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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