Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
