Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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