You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
