BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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