I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
