I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
