i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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