After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
