Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
