The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
