Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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