Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
