So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
