don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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