Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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