I think my vagina is haunted
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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