There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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