Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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