If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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