Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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