We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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