I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
