super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
