Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize