Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
