bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Small penises have feelings too.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
