Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
