At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
