I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
