I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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