We got so high we made milksteak
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
