Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
