Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
