what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
