Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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