Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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