im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
