sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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