I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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