Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
