if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
