his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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