New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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