Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
