Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Still dying that you shit outside
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
