I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
