I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize