You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize