so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
