I wish you could order shots online.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
