Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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