I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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