It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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