I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
