God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
