Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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