I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
my poor anus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
