its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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