he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
