My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
