so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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