Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize