11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
