Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
