Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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