i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
