Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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