He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
